Anne Lastman
Recently the Holy Father Pope Leo XIV had this to say about family, “family is the foundation of society and society is built upon the stable union between man and woman.” He further highlighted the dignity of the unborn child and the elderly, the challenged, as God’s created beings. His image shining through. He added that family is a small but genuine society in itself and came into being and was in the mind of God long before the society as we know it today began. For the Trinity is the family of God. It has always been and will always be Family.
Families are a cradle for our beings. God prepared “family” to be a visible sign of what his own divine family is like. In His family there is a Trinity of beings, community, whose love compenetrates them and are in the image of the infinity (∞) symbol eternal unending love. The figure eight keeps giving and giving and returning and strengthening each member into strong and more loving family. From this image our creator replicated the human family. His love was so great that it overflowed into unending creation of earthly physical family.
His sojourn on earth, in the design and person of his son Jesus, created perfectly all future families, and shows that the template for this creation was the heavenly one. We know that there is a Father, there is a son and there is the feminine spirit (Ps 123.2-3, Lk 15:8-10 Is.66:13, Mth:23-37)n, together forming the divine family. A family which will be a model for the human one.
So, why do we need to bring abortion into a writing on creation and the reason for creation? Family.
The answer is that abortion found its way into families. As the first physical death occurred in family (Abel) and it has continued and expanded, slowly and silently immersed itself in the beautiful common home and divinely designed families. Today with over 90 million abortions carried out annually there are 90 million males and 90 million females affected by them “if you eat of the fruit you will die” and whether married or unmarried these abortive men and women take into their life and marriage, a fulfilment of that long ago curse. Death not only that of human being (preborn infant) with his divine image imprinted on him but death by stealth of parents and society. An event which has altered the human beings original design. Not a design of overflowing love as at the beginning, continuing love, but one of evil and suffering. An event (abortion, murder) that perhaps at the time seemed the right thing or the only thing to do but subsequently turned out to be a procedure which changed their very being. Their essence, which experienced the meaning of death, and the pain which follows death. A separation. A sorrow similar to that of the falling of the angels. Followed by the failing and sin of first parents who had also betrayed their creator and forever changed their being. Their understanding of feminine and masculine. Motherhood and fatherhood.
Today we know and understand that following an abortion/s, grief in its many manifestations will slowly emerge and begin new negative life changing activity. Much study has been carried out into this topic by various reputable scholars, grief scholars, whose findings have also been published in reputable journals which up to recent past had refused publication, of such material, this because of the societal rejection of this private of information.
However, this barrier of silence has been slowly lowered and finally removed, and what was found was/is worse than ever thought. Studies from America, New Zealand, Australia, United Kingdom, China, et al have shown strong links between abortion and mental health difficulties in women, link between abortion and breast cancer, at first appear thought in menopausal and post-menopausal women, but a clear upsurge in breast cancer in young women would suggest a connection between abortion and this upsurge. Whist all manner of reasons are proffered e.g. chemicals, diets, substances, have been blamed for this upsurge, abortion has for the most part been ignored. Yet from known information abortion has never been so prevalent as it is today.
We have abortion from children as young as 13 yrs of age (one of my clients) to all ages during fertility years. And yet, it still seems that there is little consideration given to abortion as a cause but it is preferred to believe that all other possibilities cause the upsurge, but abortion which is now such an open procedure and freely discussed, talked about, requested will still not be considered. three very huge life changing experiences (abortion and breast/ovarian cancer/post-menopausal cancer) and still silence. And family again suffers when health of heart of family (woman/mother) is compromised.
Post abortion grief, anxiety, mood disorders, substance abuse, depression, relationship difficulties, pets as substitute children, alcohol/substance addiction, self-mutilation, suicide ideation and completed suicides, negative self-talk, eating disorders are just some of the effects of a woman’s own self-punishment regime which then affects not only her but her family if she has one. Her unremitting self-punishment, psychologically designed to punish herself for her action and her failure to protect the child in her womb her baby is merciless. Whether internal or external, her shame, guilt, and a pervasive sadness is her daily experience and in due course a change of personality which affects those around her. Abortion affects the family through its grotesqueness. Through its violence and anger against life. Through its orchestrated vengeance and motivated retaliation. (Satan against God and God’s creation of life and loved by the Father). Abortion can be said to be like “the elephant in the room” but refused permission to become visible.
Where guilt and shame are present suppression is slowly put in place in order to be able to hide that shame and continue living. However, the unconscious continues to make itself present by triggered flashbacks, memories, reminders that she, a mother, took her baby to die, and this will reinforce the change of personality and heightens her pervasive sense of worthlessness. That experience (abortion) has served to change her assumptive world which is her previously known and believed world that all is well, that she is safe, her world and ideals are safe, her moral barometer is safe. These previously held natural assumptions developed during childhood and development have suddenly been changed and an insecurity and dislike of her new self becomes the norm. Her esteem has convulsed.
The type of complicated and disenfranchised grief, unspeakable grief which is abortion continues and develops into mental health issues. It was interesting to read in Prof. Coleman’s study that abortion increases risk of severe mental health problems by 81%. Imagine increased risk of developing mental health problems by 81%! Further, more and more we are told that depression is at an all-time high. That the happiness factor in women is at an all-time low. Today we even have to have conferences on “Happiness” to show some ways to be happy, when the inner being is so wounded. Through conferences and self-help groups thought that there are ways to and methods to teach someone to be happy. It’s almost as if true happiness has gone from the lives of women and society and still the word “abortion” is floated about as removal of “something” unwanted but not harmful.
There are many other harmful things on our planet but abortion continues not to be one of them. The intentional murder of an innocent one is not considered harmful even though the feminine health has marked declined. ” Woe to them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!” (Is.5:20)
And now for the male. If we have 90 million abortions per year it must also mean that 90 million males have been involved in the creation of a child. It means that 90 million fathers of those babies refused to accept or denied right to fatherhood. To know himself as a father. A father who child had engendered his child. It means that a man (young or not so young) taking his spouse or mother of his child to the abortion facility after making the decision to have or force his own child killed, has also changed forever his design, that is male, husband, son, brother and above all father, with all aspects which means maleness.
Fatherhood has ascribed to it special meanings, provider, protector, progenitor but its very essence is beyond these metaphors because the role of father embraces and incorporates behaviour, emotions, role model of maleness, leadership (both spiritual and secular) and presence. Fatherhood is male love enfleshed. Very different from female experience but so very much needed for a child’s understanding “father all throughout life.
Abortion for the man dishonours all of these metaphors and further dishonours his own essence whose design is to look towards the one whom he has engendered and who is an extension of himself. Abortion alters forever, the nuance of maleness.
Even where the father has insisted that his child be aborted because the mother of his baby is not his lifelong spouse or even “would-be spouse” the actual abortion has meant that his “fatherhood” or even his essence was unwanted by the woman and rejected by himself. In his silence he reflects on the decision he made to take his child to die and slowly this realisation begins to make changes to his own “maleness, beingness” A father’s role and innocent understand of what this means is changed.
Moving forward from this and take un resolved abortion distress, or pain, into a marriage, or even an unacknowledged abortion into a new marriage has the potential to disrupt or put a barrier in the union, this because on her part there is a memory, even unconscious past intimacy which may have negative impact on desire of extension of love between a love between their new role as husband wife and may bring with it lack of desire which again places a barrier between herself and her husband and the would be conceived baby. An extension of their love. This is red flag, A barrier is formed. Unresolved abortion pain has attached to it unfinished business or finished business unsatisfactorily and lost love and lost trust.
An abortion within marriage is very destructive because even though it may appear that both husband and wife may decide that the abortion is right for this time in their life, the reality is that one of them is never “quite sure” is not ready to forget what was learned that abortion means the death of a baby, and being placed in a position of having to agree creates a chaos in the inner being. Abortion within a marriage, even though thought consensual, can never be so as one or the other is never sure this is right.
The family has been called the bedrock of society. Or solid foundation for the continuation of society and its strengthening and supporting of such society or as Pope Benedict said, “family is little church where we learn the meaning of life” Family and its continuation means that a new baton is created to be passed on to the next generation. This baton is carried on and on into the distance unknown but assured. If it were to stop then all creation would come to an end. As often said all societies, throughout time have understood male, female, engendering life, continuation of life and future. No society has understood that the future includes childlessness or disposal of infants. No past society has contemplated artificial manipulation of life. No society has laboured so hard to distort what life and family are as has this society. Biblically speaking Ps 127:3-5 speaks of children being like arrows in a quiver. No artificial barrier or sterilisation because children always meant blessings and barrenness always meant shame. Interestingly barrenness through abortion also means shame.
Both as individuals and as a society, we need to grieve and weep for the loss of over the indeterminate number of children whose design was in the imago Dei. With humility we ask God for forgiveness for our arrogance and pride in attempting to thwart his design and plan. Their Father who leads the whole of creation loves each and everyone. Who knows each one by name. He never abandons family. He understands their frailties. He tries to quietly assist but he leaves family with the freedom to journey towards their home. He has paved the way, left signs, markers, instructions, for the family to reach home.
Society’s underpinning, cornerstone, community, strength, knowledge, enfleshed love is all found in family. Humanity without family cannot exist. It was not created to be alone “It is not good to be alone” (Gen2:18) Humanity was created with several needs. To know and love their creator, and to know and love their humanity and human family. The relational covenant is between two human beings, man and woman, and a different covenant between God and man.
The tragedy of modern times is that human being has lost the idea of dignity, respect, love, compassion, empathy for the other journeying the same road and has instead taken the road of least difficulty by learning to dispose of a brother. God never intervenes but he does leave us (if chosen) to walk that road which causes pain.
The family, for our Almighty God, remains sacred. It never changes because it’s a divine concept, though the human has attempted to do so. The Trinitarian family has not, will not, and cannot, change and so too the human family, designed using the Trinitarian template, also cannot change to accommodate times and societies.
