Anne Lastman
We often hear the word forgiveness. But I often wonder if we realise what forgiveness means or is it a word which makes us look good, feel good, and kind. It’s a difficult question. However, it does go without saying that those who say the word “forgiveness” appear genuine and really mean it according to their understanding. I suspect that it has become a word so overused that it really has lost its divine meaning. However flawed and meant it still a word worthy of remembering. Have we changed “I forgive you” to “it’s ok.” Meaning the unspoken, forgotten “I forgive you?” A more pertinent meaning of “forgive” might be to an intended injury whether by word or deed. An intended violence whether word or deed. An intended offence against a person or their reputation and after much thought and the beginning of feeling a sense of guilt, a decision is made to genuinely ask for “forgiveness” for the action or words said against that person which would have caused them harm. When there is intent then the words it’s ok don’t seem sufficient and perhaps this might be a time when asking to be forgiven would be more appropriate.
Having said the above perhaps we should look at the kind of forgiveness which God asks of us. Indeed it’s true that all sinners are called to repentance, and the understanding of this followed by humbly offering forgiveness to the one who repents. As Christians we are called to offer or accept forgiveness, without condition. Without the “I will forgive you if you… et” or “I accept your forgiveness so long as you ….) these appear to me be conditional. Both aspects the offering and the accepting are conditional. That is, that either or both of these calls is conditional on an expectation from the other. If one sins against another, the sinner is called to repentance irrespective if the forgiveness is given or not. Forgiving under these conditions is a demand not a genuine desire to experience a cleansing. Equally, I think we are called to forgive the offender whether he or she repents. Jesus when asked “Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? up to 7 times?” and Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times but seventy-seven times seven times.” (Mt. 18:21-35) Meaning as many times as God forgives man’s sins, indeterminate number. Not to keep count.
Forgiveness does not mean that an action which caused pain or injury is acceptable or even forgotten and to understand forgiveness at this level is to rob forgiveness of its truth and power. Forgiveness cannot involve condoning evil or injustice. Perhaps the best way to think of this in terms of relationships, and the damage done to them by sin. Both the offender and the victim are involved in repairing the relationship; the offender must first understand then repent, and the victim to forgive and, in this way, permission is removed from the harm done to continue the ties to re- harming by giving power to the action, pain and memory. Forgiveness must always start with permission to remove the tentacles which bind and continue the threat. The victim and perpetrator standing face to face and seeing the humanity and dignity of the other begins the path to true forgiveness. Unless the humanity and dignity is recognised then there will always be a tentacle ready to open the wound. Neither perpetrator nor victim insist that the other makes the first move to repair the relationship; both are called to do all to promote the healing of the relationship and understand that healing will not be complete until forgiver and forgiven make that a decision for the other. Repentance is an essential if there is to be an unspoken invitation to forgiveness, and/or a willingness to accept forgiveness if it has not yet been offered until there is to be found repentance.
Forgiveness means removing permission from the the harmful act committed to pursue continual harm whether spoken or unspoken. It means severing forever the negative soul ties which have strengthened with continued recall, anger, rumination. Forgiveness is not making excuses but a new beginning a new journey for the victim and the perpetrator which is incorporated into his/her life history that event which causes the separation, and it further means incorporation into the life of the perpetrator so that lesson is learnt. It also means cleansing the wound so that it heals. Forgiveness is remembering the one on the cross saying the words “Father forgive them they know not what they do” (Lk23:34) If the perpetrator knew the harm, they would not commit that injury. It’s not a formula which we have heard so many times, learned it, understood it and expect that all will be OK after that. Today if we look closely, we can see the aftereffects of non-forgiveness. A family feud between two brothers which began eons ago. Cain and Abel jealousy and unforgiveness. Isaac and Ishmael jealousy and unforgiveness and the end result of this and others past, a hatred without ending.
Forgiveness is a divine initiative, created in secrecy and made present before the creation of humanity. The Father being omniscient knowing that sin would occur, prepared for the one who would in the future say “Father forgive them they know not what they do” (Lk 23:34)
In any sin, what is involved is not just a relationship between individuals, but a relationship with God. God extends His forgiveness freely and unconditionally but does not force the sinner to accept it. Acceptance involves repentance, which must be the free act of the sinner. Irrespective of refusal to accept forgiveness it’s not right to see God as withholding his forgiveness; rather, the recipient spurning the forgiveness which God is offering freely, the seventy-seven times seven.
The human victim of a sin, harm, is called to try to be “Godlike” in this respect, and to extend his forgiveness as freely and unconditionally as God does. It goes without saying that it requires a very great spiritual depth and strength to do that in the face of something like, abuse, domestic violence, child trafficking, terrorism and other vile acts that human beings are capable of doing against a brother or sister, but this is the reason why forgiveness needed to be created before humanity. The sin that would be committed would be so enormous that it would mean either destruction of the creation which the Father decreed as “very good” or forgiving the sin via a method devised by Himself. It was a sin against the creator and so great that only He Himself would be able to offer true forgiveness. “He so loved the world that he offered His only begotten son” (Jn 3:16) But the call to forgive is no less insistent than the call to repent. Magnificent though forgiveness is, it is not repentance, that is a separate magnificence but different. “ As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us” (Ps 103:12). He has never withheld forgiveness from us. He has not said your sin is too big and it cannot be forgiven. He shows that when he forgiveness the chain which ties us to the enemy is broken. Never again can that particular sin be remembered. This happens each time we truly forgive, we become in the manner, Godlike.
Example:
This evening as I stood on my balcony looking at fading sun, I had one of those unusual experiences. Sometimes I think I’m a bit crazy but I’ve been assured as Sheldon Cooper” (Big Bang Theory) would say. “ I’m not my mother had me tested”. So I’m not crazy.
Back to experience. As I looked out at the different shapes and colours of clouds, the beautiful deep orange sun had almost disappeared beyond sight a thought came to mind. “ there’s a band of hatred encircling the planet. It’s evil and feeds on itself growing thicker and denser”. That’s all of the thought. I don’t know where the thought came from as I was just standing there and admiring such beauty of creation, as I am doing now from my window, but when this thought came to mind was afraid. If this is so what can we do? I thought. “How can we defeat this monster called hatred? how can we gather every nation’s good and God loving people to unite in nonstop prayer, praise, divine songs, intercession, speaking with God. Asking forgiveness, pleading for help?
How can we pray, sing a blessing over the entire globe without leaving a speck of dust uncovered and without prayer.”How can we make this a year of blessing so that the darkness slithers away.” I don’t know how. But the deep sense of the words / thought seemed so real and urgent. Let’s all think and do something for all humanity and for our common home, planet. Let’s decide for protection of our our home and whole of humanity. I know that this thought, words, were real because something happened earlier that day, which I had never experience before and which led to this article. Being in the middle of sorting through hundreds of old photos I came across a photo of someone who hurt me so much many years ago that it marked my life. Normally I would feel outrage, anger, tears, even after so decades, but today as I looked at the photo, I saw a different face, an elderly, fragile, broken face, looking very feverish, eyes almost completely closed, just slits open and felt like he was looking at me. Pleading.
His mouth closed, hair clinging to what looked like very feverish forehead and looking at this I instantly felt a deep compassion. That hatred which I kept asking the Lord to remove from me because I couldn’t but it still remained. But this time as soon as I felt compassion it was no longer there. First time ever. I was free from that long ago violence it didn’t have a hold on me anymore and for first time I felt real compassion and sense of forgiveness. I could forgive him. . I can’t explain the feeling or the experience. It was like I went down into a dark pit and came up and said, “I do forgive you.” I had no tears, no pain. No regret. No anger. Just wished a holy journey back to the Father for him. So it was a strange sunset experience.
I also realised that like St Paul (2Cor.12.2) I didn’t and don’t have the words to quite explain the unexplainable. We don’t have that kind of language which belongs to the divine. The end result of this is that I feel I have completely forgiven him and now am able to pray for him, offer Holy sacrifice of the Mass for him, without the past violence in any way affecting me. It’s such a different feeling and I still see the face daily and at Mass and I remember not the past acts but the dying face. So vulnerable, so frail and what I read in that face need for forgiveness from me. To forgive we need to go down into the depths of the earth, remove the poison seed and return up to the light. Free from poison of that tree.I’m so glad for that sunset.
Anne.
