BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO MOURN: Mt. 5:4.
Anne Lastman
Learning and speaking about grief is important and there are so many words written on this topic. This word is bandied about, analysed, offered as conference topic with many opinions shared. Trauma, mourning, grief, healing programmes are words read in every magazine, speakers and experts ad nauseum. Books, journals, websites, etc. The reality is that as many as there are individuals (like me) working in field of grief and loss there’ll be similarities of thought and ideas and also huge differences. Textbooks give guidance but it’s in the heart of the helper where learning and healing journey begins for the one sitting before him/her. Even for the therapist the moment of acceptance of the client, praying for his/her client/patient has begun that work. The Mercy of God has started its work of healing with the therapists own heart for healing.
Before I begin, I want to make it clear that I would not like anyone reading this to think that I would suggest that abortion is something we need to accept because it’s what and how it is today. Legal and normal and part of society and woman’s right. No, it’s not only for these times, past times ( see Didache ) or times to come. Abortion cannot ever be acceptable because it’s a rejection of life. Life, a gift to humanity which the Creator Father has decreed necessary to fulfil his desire to visibly show the emotion called love and abortion is the rejection of that gift. Indeed, the most violent rejection of “life” the creator’s own design for continuing his own work which has been extended to the human being and all living, breathing beings, a reflection of Himself, “In our own image and likeness.” He said (Gn 1:27)
The Shemah Israel of the Hebrew person, to be said morning and evening. (“hear of Israel! The Lord is our God; the Lord is one! and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your mind your soul and with all your strength”(Deut. 6:4.) This is the prayer of all humanity to love God above all else and when we reject this through abortion and rejection of life it’s a rejection of God and neighbour. God with his donation, and neighbour, rejecting the gift unlike any other by taking away the life that was meant from him. Blessed are those who mourn. Who regrets, who grieves, who withdraws into a world of pain because she (and he at times) has caused pain to her “neighbour” (infant in the womb). Abortion grief makes visible this “Beatitude” Blessed are those who mourn.
To ponder on this particular Beatitude, it’s painful and to some it may even sound cruel, and indeed a most difficult beatitude because thinking about it in the way of the human “how can someone who mourns ever be called “blessed?” is the thought. It’s about suffering and as such how can someone who is grieving the intentional loss of a most vulnerable one, precious, and whose intentional death was caused by oneself?” By fear, insecurity, shame, even flagrancy, and then be blessed? because they mourn and maybe trying to understand by some of the ways of understanding why the loss and the subsequent mourning may help reconcile, victim and perpetrator. Grief is the inner feelings, emotions, disbelief, and mourning the outward expression of the inner response and action.
The stilled voice, the unseen heart pain, which accompanies all loss are the remembrances of a different time, different dreams, different shocks, different surprises, though maybe even recent, perhaps even the understanding of why and how this loss occurred is known and understood.
The grief, the moments of silence and remembering, the moments not of just tears but gazing into the distance. Gazing into the distance is not always a reverie or admiration of the vista but a looking for what might have been. “Looking for that someone lost to return” and a different decision made. Wishing and sending that loved one heart calls like the father in the Gospel (The prodigal Son) who constantly stood outside his abode and stared deep into the distance looking for a loved son to return. Yet through suffering whether intentional, (abortion, euthanasia, assisted suicide, death penalty) it’s possible to see that a blessing may descend upon the griever because God himself experienced His own deep grief. He knows grief. The human being’s grief (because of sin) God was and is able to know “pain” unknown previously by him, because of his own loss of His son Jesus. Yes, we may see how a blessing is possible where loss has occurred. Even intentional loss. Indeed, from loss, sorrow and grief, a new road can be taken, a renewed creation. A new creation born not in bliss but in sorrow, however, a detour into new life.
From my own personal experience, the healing of abortion grief cannot really occur unless the Mercy of God is sought and accepted. Without the Mercy of God there is a coming to terms with the decision made but not the healing given and received which then calms the heart, stills the intruding guilt. Accusations. Without mercy no liberation from the ties of that darkness of that death, from the talons carrying guilt which in turn stoke the unrelenting ache in the heart. Indeed, there is a marked difference between those who recognise the sin and turn towards grace and mercy and those who even tentatively reject gift offered. Some would call this hardness of heart but it could also be a heart protecting itself from pain that it refuses to see or feel more. “The rain falls on both the righteous and the unrighteous” says our Lord (Mt. 5:45) and where Hesed is found, love, grace, kindness, loving steadfastness, are enfolded within the word, Hesed. Mercy. Mercy even for the unrighteous and for this reason, care, both physical and spiritual is required for blessing to descend, even if it’s the physician, carer, counsellor to carry out this work of prayer so that lovingkindness and Mercy are invited into that wounded life, and the open heart of the therapist/carer.
Because the mind is so profoundly disturbed by guilty suffering it can be assumed that this suffering is considered evil. However, suffering which can expiate or be permitted to be experienced can be an entrance into Hesed (mercy) leading to conversion or the rebuilding of the sufferer and the human heart. A touch of Hesed. A touch of love. Restores love of both mother, child and creator. Hidden within the mystery of suffering is redemption, the mystery which has hidden within it grief, and the embalming of this, Hesed. Loving kindness.
Suffering is an extraordinary gift because it’s a different kind of love. The other side of the coin. A love enfolding suffering is a love which bears permanent scars, but not pain. Scars, the reminder of the loss. Mourning the loss of ones own child with one’s own permission invites silence, understanding, contrition, where it can then lead to a direction of re direction of life, without sorrow and anguish. A call to be rescued from the effects of the sin of abortion and turn that human being into a pilgrim walking towards God carrying the scars (not the sin) of that primal violence. That invitation for death to be defeated by life and to cease warring against self.
Legitimate suffering and penitence produce a fruit of healing, the antidote to the poisoned tree in the Garden of Eden. Legitimate suffering, (the other tree growing next to the poisoned tree) is still suffering but produces a fruit that heals and when eaten (like the poisoned one) the experience of divine who intentionally offered to experience mourning, grief, pain, legitimate suffering of one for another. The perfect love of God and neighbour (baby) that never came to be.
Sorrow, penitence, moral deterioration and anguish are alike in so far as these are sufferings which return the penitent to the order known as “good”. Repentance over an intentional “wrong’ can cause to renew ontological innocence which is written in the covenant between God and human being.
Suffering abortion grief is neither useless nor empty nor unnecessary but it is indeed the most important grief of our age with a death culture unlike any other culture in written history, and it’s the most important suffering of our times. Our senses feel the need to grieve for the violence of one neighbour against another. For the violence of brother against brother, of a hatred against family. By family members. For the murdering in all manners and using of women and children, abortions in the billions, euthanasia gaining ground and the very real demonic transgender assaults against life. Murder of innocence and innocents. We sense the call of those who did not make it, to mourn in solidarity with those who have been called to or made to suffer. Our rivers are flowing with blood. We are called to forgive where forgiveness and empathy have been sold for “a mess of pottage”(Gen:29-34) or misplaced priorities. Families who are united achieve the ideal, sell out one of them for “lentil stew” the grief ensues overshadows society because of the wickedness involved. There is a sorrow felt by those whose lying harms humanity (it’s a bunch of cells) no pain involved.
Acceptance of suffering in solidarity with those who are called to this task brings before the eyes of the world the reality of what the death culture is all about. It’s about violence and killing, and merciless treatment. It’s about hatred. It’s about darkened consciences, guilt, fruits of the poisoned tree. Mourning, both as individuals and society, is needed and is “very good” indeed one might say “Blessed” because it’s reparative and begins the healing of the nations. Alternatively, the result is that humanity has demanded that it remains outside of the ambit of God’s saving Mercy and the outcome is only in God’s knowledge and day.
In Salvifici Doloris, we are encouraged by the Holy Father, Pope St. John Paul II to see beyond the suffering and to discover the meaning behind it. Reminding us of Viktor Frankl’s book Search for Meaning where he says that if meaning can be found for some horror, then it’s possible to endure. It’s in the journeying, in the falling and rising that the meaning will be found and the likeness of man to the divine initiative (humanity and his origins)will be encountered.
Suffering acquires its definitive meaning from God and its ultimate meaning is shown to us through God Himself via His journey from creation, failure of His creature, ensuing history leading to the human life of His son Jesus and his suffering on the cross. Indeed, the greatest revelation of God took place, on Calvary. At this place on a small hill of suffering, followed by grief, then the mourning (journey)both God and human mourn for each other. “Today you will be in paradise”(Lk 23:42-43) On that day both man and God suffered for all intentional and even all the unintentional deaths, from Eden to Calvary and continuing .
The tragedy in our day is that the commandments and beatitudes are forgotten “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you” (Jn 15:12 ) Grace and virtues are whispered to remind us “ Faith, Hope, and love and the greatest of these is love” (1 Cor.13:13). For those of us who deeply and intimately know and understand and feel this, it becomes incumbent upon us to make this love visible so that it may be seen to enfold all, even those who have not heard the Good News that they are loved by a God who only knows love.
