Anne Lastman
Sitting on train a speeding thorough the country side I was relaxed and thinking about God, Creation, prayer and how and why we pray.
I think these thoughts were related to a funeral I had just attended (in country so it was easier to travel with train) and thought about the prayers, requiem Mass and yes all the right rituals including Rosary the night before. All the things normally done when a catholic person has passed from this world.
I mused over the prayers and rosaries and blessings and wondered “who have the prayers been for? The one who has passed away, John (I’ll call him John for ease of writing) or those left behind in their pain and loss, and I concluded that mostly we pray for those left behind. For the one missing from their life. The one who has journeyed with them and now heard the call to return home.
I continued in my thoughts. IF God exists in the ever present, now, (Jn 17:3) that is, He has existed from all time and pre time, present time every moment, and the future, and has known each and every one of us (Ps 139:13) even before our creation, “For you have created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearful and wonderfully made. You search for me and know me, you know when I sit and when I rise, you perceive my thoughts, you are familiar with all my ways. Your hand will guide me; your right hand will hold me. Even the darkness (sin) will not be darkness to you. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in secret when I was woven together in the depths of the earth Your eyes saw my unformed body and all the days ordained for me were written in your book (Ps 139).
“All the days ordained for me were written in your book” (Ps. 139), and therefore Father God was present “long before I was knitted in the darkness of the womb” and Father God knew exactly the days allotted to this man John. Father God would have breathed his own breath into John to enliven him. Given him life, because of his overflowing love, had given John his life and He had known and determined John’s days. John was from all time ever before the Father’s eyes. John was his Father’s son birthed him shadowed him and is now going back home. John’s sojourn on this earth was completed.
John’s life was a gift and given with a freedom, without conditions, and he was to make the “choice” like that same option given and made eons ago in that garden. John was free. Love gives freedom. Having said this, if John has lived and died as created and at the appointed time (days numbered) then the prayers said for John to send him on his journey back home were not so much for him (though I’m sure appreciated) but for those saying goodbye. Prayer is consolation. Divine and human dialogue. Long before John’s birth his Father knew the prayers which would be offered for his sojourn but these would assist those left behind to continue their own journey, until their return home. Return to the one who saw them knitted together in time. Their days allotted and appointed day of departure. John’s life was one of living, enlivened with the breath of his divine Father, doing his work, walk through and time, and rituals and ways and when time came a return to the One who had always been with him and was present to and heard him.
As the train sped along, I thought “if God is omnipresent, omniscience, omnipotent all powerful, all knowing, all seeing, and present everywhere and we believe this then we really are saying that God can know, see, hear and be present at every moment of human life, past, present and every future moment. Indeed, all time. Never for a moment being absent. For me it also means that the deceased John has been known since before time began. We are told that even a bird cannot die without the Father knowing. He knows how many hairs are on our heads (Matt:10:29-42) He knew from the beginning that John would leave on a certain date, time, in a certain way and with the prayers offered, he is able to console love. But John himself does not need the prayers, the Father already knew /knows his son John but those prayers urge John onwards and comfort those loved ones who long to do one more thing him. Pray.
In His present eternal “now” not only is the Father present where his creation is, moves, breathes, laughs, cries, is sad, rejoices, even sees the sins but He sees and rejoices with him for understanding his freedom, because his own Son, Jesus, redeemed that freedom because was like us in all ways but sin (Heb 4:15). God is with all of us at every moment and overseeing us over our whole life and even sees those tears shed (Ps56:8-11) “you have kept count of my anguish and collected all my tears”
Again, it must mean that the intimacy between God and man is so intertwined that nothing is hidden. No covering is needed. Prayers are our dialogue with our Father who loves us and is loved back by us. And keeps hold of that original breath he gave.
As the train sped by, the vista of nature kept changing and its loveliness showing.
If God does exist in the “eternal now” and not only 2000,4000, 8,000 or eons ago but “now,” all past, present and future, are present now in this moment. It must also mean that He father God was present and experienced and saw His son, Jesus, conceived, born, live, walk and talk with his own creatures and eventually die like them. They could look into the “face of God and Live” (Ex.33:20) His son’s face who was brutally tortured and crucified and died. The Father had always been with Him and was most present when His son wanted to talk and be comforted by him, him alone, he then slipped away by himself and they spoke together but always knowing that his Father always heard and saw Him and same with each and every created being. He hears because all of creation is his own and their call is the call of his own work of love. First creation then redemption.
The Father still hears and sees now, the image has not left or cannot ever leave, as His son Jesus cries out in pain and surrenders his human breath back to his Father .Father into your hands I commend my Spirit. Death no longer has victory; the Holy breath is voluntarily returned. As Jesus returned the breath so does another child of the Father, John, returns his own breath to his creator.
The sin of the world (Jn 1:29) was defeated and the Father has the event ever before his eyes and his son’s voice “Father forgive them they know not what they do” ( (Lk 23:34) He hears throughout time, spheres, and eons and will continue to be heard as long as humanity exists. The cross His son carried, the instruments of his own death reversed the effects of the first sin. The wood of the tree and the wood of the cross and the sin which held it and then released it. No longer potent. . The “fruit” of that tree was poison and death, the fruit of the cross, life. “Father forgive them.” Echoes throughout all time. Every planet, star, sun, moon, creatures, vegetation, day, night, man and woman can hear that “It’s done.”
The words that glory had returned, “He is Risen” are also echoing throughout all of creation including universe. “He is Risen” Hallelujah. Death, the enemy defeated by a humble, and divine, human being with much suffering. The penalty for that “sin of the world” (Jn 1:29) paid in full. This is happening now not just over two thousand years ago but still resounding, echoing forever, heard. The words only heard with the heart and soul are the prayer, the friendship and consolation of the Father. The dialogue and joy at the return with task completed between Father and son. The eternal glow over creation is returned, in adoration of one who in human form changed all things to be eternally brighter.
“My peace I give to you (Jn 14:27) heard this day as He says them for the first time. “Come and have some fish, some breakfast, I have cooked it for you: Jn 21:12) Take. Eat. These words spoken earlier repeated. They know who he is. The one they love and who restores his friendship with them. Every fish eaten, wine drunk, bread eaten we are sharing with him today at our table. At breakfast he sits today, not 2 thousand years ago, but today.
“How many fish have you caught” he is asking now, at this moment, if we listen we can hear. “Nothing yet” is answer. “Then throw your net on the other side and you’ll find something” the Sea of Galilee early morning teeming with fish. “Now have you caught anything” he smilingly asks. A simple “yes.” Peter, remember, I want you to be fishers of men. And still today “Peter” hears the words (Pope Leo XIV). Peter still hears the voice saying cast the nets wide. Not just men/women of his followers but all humanity He redeemed. How many fish did you catch? 153 Lord? Peter is mandated to call all humanity “Do you love me Peter” these words today echoing “Yes Lord you know I do” then “Feed my people. Take “care of them for me.” “call them to follow me.”
“It’s finished” (Jn 19:28-30) These words being heard by every heart, every soul, every ear. This moment This prayer is the prayer of the universe. All prayer. Like John who also says “Its finished” and completes the task allotted to him to complete his own task and can leave. Every prayer is a talk with the Father who loves and enjoys His child’s company. Every prayer is a child’s need for a Father’s comfort . Every prayer is request for advice and help from the Father. Every prayer said quietly in the chamber of heart is whispering and desire to go home to the Father. Prayer is the language of the child (creature) with Father God who understands every language, every dialect, every action, each sigh. Prayer is not just words but a real knowing that Jesus our older brother has taught all how to speak to His Father and our Father and know that we are heard by our elder brother Jesus and Our Father.
As further thought. In the Hebrew alphabet each letter has a numerical value, this is the Gematria, and the numerical value for the number 153 (fish) totals the phrase in the letters for 153 is, Ani Elohim “I am God.”
“And who do you say I am?” (Mt. 16:13-20) and Peter declares “you are the son of the living God.”
“And whom shall I say sent me” (Moses Ex 3:13-17) I AM, SENT ME TO YOU.ELOHIM, Father sent me to you.
“In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God” ANI ELOHIM
Before he left to return to the Father Jesus finally told his chosen ones his identity is the Ani ELOHIM.
I Am God. The Alpha and the Omega. I AM the beginning and the End. I Am ANI ELOHIM.
The train journey should have been one of enjoying the countryside and its beauty but instead the train journey of my soul was much better, for me an understanding of Ani Elohim. Jesus, I am God. I AM… ANI ELOHIM.
